I have a gift for you. A single black rose To show you my black love. A single rose, As tainted as my soul, And a single dark feather, A token of my desire. Do not scorn me, My dearest, Come close. Prick thy finger And give a drop of blood, Sustenance for an angel Condemned to walk the Long Road. A black rose- A token of my forbidden love for you And the symbol of my damnation, And my fall from Grace...
So I met her today, didn't really think I'd react like I Did.
From the moment she pulled up in her car, It felt like a shovel Hit me in the face.
I haven't seen or talked to Sepphire since march.
I'm kinda speechless at the moment so to say, I didn't think I'd react to seeing her at all.
But there she stood, the person who were once my brown eyed gothic princess.
My heart dropped,so much stirred up inside me.
Sepphire....
How can she hold so much power over me still after all this time?
We talked for a bit, bout this and that. she had her friend with her. not that i did mind.
It wasn't her i was looking at anyway.
She collected her things and I walked em to her car.
How could I ever let that slip away from me?
We talked for a bit more by the car before it was time for them to go. I know where shes going, but I didnt really care at the time.
As we said our goodbyes, I walked away,hearing the voice of her friend, "Whats the matter? Are you sad?"
Had our meeting effected her in a way to?
I don't know thats just the words i heard as I walked away.
I'm left with an empty and strange feeling inside me.
Sepphire...who could ever take your place?
You've brought forth allot of memories and feelings in me today.
Feelings I thought was long passed gone. There will always be a part of me that will love you and cheerish you to the day I die.
In my heart you will always be my girl.
Thank you for showing me what love truly is all bout.
Thank you for the years we spent together.
I'm grateful.
Atleast now I do know, how it feels to love and be loved back.
It's kinda offical now, my apartment is so to say no longer mine.
I just have a few more things to do before I'm completly moved out.
Just have to wash the walls,cupboards and the ceiling, not in the line ofcourse.
I donno if I'm moving in with my bro or not now, my mom and stepdad found me an apartment not far from here.
I donno I'm gonna look at it this following week I hope, and we'll see.
So until then, I'm staying with my mom, Which I hate mind you.
Suddenly I don't have the freedom I'm used to have.
Suddenly allot of people to relate to.
I havent had people so close since Sepphire lived with me.
And yet again, ya know she's there to stir things up in my head.
The room in which I'm staying, brings back allot.
We spent our first night's there together as a couple.
Even if the room didn't have a door,
It didn't really matter.
Too Deep in love for anything else to matter.
In this house, was the place I first propose to her, to be my wife.
I remember that night, Even if we had a few that night,
The words were still true.
I did think she'd be my wife one day.
Then I got the apartment...
Sepphire came to visit that day that I was moving in.
She stayed behind,helping my mom hang up the curtains, put clothing into the shelves, etc.
She was so proud of herself, wanting to show me what she had done.
I couldn't help myself but smile, such small things we take for granted,
Was such a big deal to her.
We were finally alone that evening, for a first time since my birthday in February.
That apartment holds allot of memories of the life we shared together. the joy and the laughter.
She also propose to me in that apartment, for my birthday the year after.
I remember crying, i was so happy.
All my dreams seemed to come true.
I remember so many times, waiting for her to come, cooking in the kitchen, waiting for her car to pull into the drive way with metal blasting out of the speakers, unlocking the door into the apartment, and embracing me ever so tightly.
I will remember that place, with lots of fond good memories.
That perfect love will live forever in my mind and heart.
Yes, my Box of fail,
Where I store my engagment rings,
Patetic I know.
I kinda do keep them as a remind
Of how things went wrong at some point.
3 Rings...
3 Long serious relationships.
makes me think,
Can I ever do it right?
I actually talked with my first girlfriend,
bout it a bit recently.
She told me the reasons why things had gone so
And so.
And I do agree with her.
I'm quite the different person now than
I were then.
I've grown from the unsecure girl I once were.
I'm strong now cos of things I've experience in my life.
And the people thats been in it.
They shaped me into who I am this day,
In the good ways and in the bad ways.
And I think I have the same thing with them.
Some learned to stand strong and be proud of who you are,
Not to let oneself be knocked down by anyone.
No matter who they are.
To love,
Isn't to be weak,
Yet if we can all feel weak at the point of love.
One just need to open up ones eyes and
Take a look at the world around,
and see what is important.
Some people lock away love,
Too afraid of opening up their hearts.
Afraid of being hurt.
To live, is to being hurt.
If one never can open up ones heart,
Life sure will be lonly.
As someone who meant allot to me once said,
"No one was meant to go through life alone"
Love is what makes this world go around.
Those words stick deep to my heart.
I have my regreets
When It comes to love.
Certain Periods I know I will look back on and think,
"what If?"
Who really wants to look back and think,
"what if" To any event in their lives?
I'm posting a song on the end here,
Which struck a cord in me concerning resent events.
Close your eyes and say good night and hold me till the morning light when the sun comes shinning through I'll kiss you one last time and I'll begin to live my life without you wish that I could make you stay but I know I have no power to persuade the heart will do what it must do So kiss me one last time and tell me how to live my life without you Cause I love you without and ending cause I need you to be my everything tell me the meaning of a life without you with me when the night falls I'll still be standing cause you'll always be right here in my heart and in my deepest memories I will never have to be without you love is like a work of art once you feel it you hold it in your heart you know forever that its true so kiss me for always even if I live my life without you Cause I love you without and ending cause I need you to be my everything tell me the meaning of a life without you with me when the night falls I'll still be standing cause you'll always be right here in my heart and in my deepest memories I will never have to be without you......................
I've been dreeding this day for almost a week now.
I wanted to cry when i looked into her eyes, those beautiful brown eyes.
Though she barly could look at me.
She said I looked good and that it was nice to see me.
I don't feel as if I got what I wanted,
her friends kept dragging her away from me.
She talked down on me, that I could never get a job, that I should stop drinking my money away.
I haven't been drunk in a long time, really upsetting to hear her bad mouthing me.
She was so cold,
she said she couldn't stay,that it was too hard for her. I asked her why, and she replied that she had to stay emotionless towards me. just that made it clear to me that she still feels something.
I wanted to cry when she hugged me, the warmt of her, the smell of her hair.
I Whispered in her ear that I loved her. Her eyes were watery when she said goodbye.
That is going to be the last time I will ever see her again in my life....
I will miss you so much sepphire.... and love you till the day that I die
Yet Another dark day, the tears are running down my face today.
The music from my speakers ringing in my ears, every little song reminds me of her.
I close my eyes and feel the pain in my heart, and see her face infront of me. How I wish that when I opened them, she was there.
But she will never be...
She's off somewhere far away, laying in her bed dreaming of someone else. And she will never again think of me and smile.
Does she know these tears are just because of her, cos of the loose in my heart.
Did she ever know how much I loved her? How sorry I am for everything?
Did she ever know, that I never was as happy as when I was with her?
Did she know she was the one for me? The only one I could ever love?
Does she even know how lost i am without her? How hard every day is cos, I can never talk to her or see her?
Does she even know how much I'd fight for her?
How much I have changed just for her?
Yet, She doesn't wanna see me...
I'm just a distant bad memory to her, That she proberly wish never happened.
Yet, I sometimes think and hope, That maybe sometimes she will think of me as well. And remember how she felt when she was in my arms, and I kissed her forehead.
The memories let me hold on to that feeling of her, and I wish I could go back there, To her, My Love, and the happiness we shared together.
I love you Sepp, And i miss you so, I wish you truly did know
I've been struggeling with this break up for a long time now. Proberly noticable. Some days I'm doing just fine, some days I break apart in the longing for her. And I hate that she's no where in my life.
She tells me, "its been a few months now, Get a life!" She makes it sound so easy, but I'm not like her, when my heart is still beating for her ever so strongly.
I'm not over her, and I proberly won't Be either. I can't,like her, Go into the world and pretend that my feelings for isn't there. I don't lie to myself.
This Empty heart of mine is killing me, and every thought I have is about her. And she's proberly not even giving me a thought, cos there's allready someone else in her life.
She left me as sudden as she came into my life, and took my heart with her when she did.
And I never even got a proper goodbye. Suddenly she was just gone.
And I was a fool to believe her words, she came here,before christmas, and Swore to me she wouldn't leave me. I believed her and was ever so thankful she'd stay with me.
Then, X-mas eve came, the past time had felt like everything was fine, she told me she loved me,and missed me. I was so happy.
Untill I came home.... I sat down on my computer and checked my regular sites, Logged on to Facebook, my heart shattered into a million pieces, as I saw that she had set herself as singel.
The tears ran down my face, and i tried to call her, but she didnt answer me. She had blocked me off from ever place we both were. Suddenly, I was just thrown out of her life, Like I was nothing but trash.
Clueless and lost, I sat with all my questions.
Time went from then, and the new year came, Again she promised me, We've give it out january to see if we could repair our relationship.
And yet again, I was a fool to believe her, I did everything to tell her much I loved her. To prove how much she meant to me. and she said she loved me again, and missed me.
What An Idiot I truly am.
Then one week, she told me she was going to see a friend, I was happy for her.
But one day she said,she wouldn't be answering in a while, which was fine, i kept writing her txt messeges to her phone so that she'd know i was thinking bout it.
But in the back of my mind,something felt wrong.
And I was right...
I know it's wrong,so very wrong, but my stomach told me she was lying to me. So i logged on to her Facebook.
And I saw,she was out with some other girl. She had played me for a fool all along.
In anger and frustrasion, I deleted everything on her page, and logged on to her Aion Account and Deleted her characters, Changed all her passwords.
The next day she called me, crying over what I had done. She made it sound as if i had commited murder.
Yet her consciounc of what she had done was apperently clean, going behind my back and messing with some other girl. She even told her she loved her that first night.
I must have meant nothing.
Even after all this, I yet love her, i should be hateful and bitter.
but I can't I can not be like that towards her. I'm not justifying what I did. Cos I know it was wrong, but It wasn't nice of her to make me believe that she still loved me and wanted to patch things up.
Yet now,she tells me she thinks bout me. on the phone she said, she felt the same way I do. But I can not trust those words. Cos she tells her friends one thing, and tell me others.
Yet now I havent gotten a proper goodbye. and she can't even give it to me.
She said shed come pick up her stuff, but I think she's too afraid, too afraid to look at me and feel those feelings inside.
I'm sorry it went like this Sepp, but you don't want it any other way. You will never find anyone like me again. Only comfort I have in my heart is, that you will always remember me. And i will always remember you cos you were my one true love. And I'd give the world to be right back in your Arms.
I love you Sepphire
I hope you think bout me too sometimes, and remember the good and wonderful moments we had togher
So, Yea I sent off Sepphire's Birthday present today, I don't really care, even if we're broken up, I still want her to see that atleast I still care, Even if she doesn't.
When I did, I found out, Posting Packages at 9 in the morning isn't such a good idea when you haven't really slept That night. Though the woman at the postoffice got a good laugh, But their too used to me being a silly head whenever I'm there.
So yea the package, I packed the package during the night, I couldn't even find my scissors to cut the paper for the wraping, Must have looked like a nutcase, Sitting on the Floor with a roll of brown paper, a huge box and a big knife.
In the Box,went, Her B-day present,thought her b-day isnt until the 10th, but who cares. a Late X-mas present that never got here before x-mas. A CD with some of our memories, including some music,my art and our pictures. A book, scented with my perfume, that i've been writing to her in for a long time. which mostly is concerning my thoughts and love for her. she'll proberly burn it but i guess i dont care.
She proberly won't see that I can be sweet and romantic. I love her still,even if she's a bitch towards me these days. but I guess she has her reasons.
I fell to my knees in the rain, my voice barly calling out your name But you were allready gone.
I looked at my folded hands on the ground beneath me, my ring shimmering in the light from the velvet moon.
That ring, the symbol of our love together, the symbol of our plans together.
My eyes filles with tears, as I realise, that my heart just left,somewhere in the night.
I push myself from the ground, and look at the sky, the moon shining down at me in the darkness, as the tears and rain roll down my face.
I try to whisper your name, but my voice has dissapeared inside me.
I cry, cos of the pain you left in my heart. I cry, Cos of the love I hold for you. I cry, Cos i wont ever see you again. I cry, Cos i lost the love of my life
I could destroy you if I really wanted to, And actually you'd deserve it. You play with Someone's heart, and expect it to be ok.
But it's not, Thats truly rotten, I got a heart, i go feelings, and you think you can just step right over me.
You're a cowards, Thinking that dragging yourself into something with someone else, will make the feelings go away.
You've told me, A few times, that the feelings for me was still as strong as when we were together.
Is that all you are? A liar? I trusted you and believed in you, cos i've never had a reason not to Before.
But now, now I barly believe a word you say, You lie and lie, and even more lies.
And you think it's a nice think to involve someone else, when you still have feelings for me? That's dishonest and you wont be happy with the things you do untill your true to your feelings.
I wish i was so evil, that I would fuck up the rest of your life, the way you have fucked up mine.
You can't even come to meet me, so we could have a closure to this.
What are you afraid of? Those feelings in your heart? Afraid that you really still do love me?
You think that the love will go away just like that? You think that someone else can make those feelings disappear?
You hide behind your mask, afraid of the world, afraid of the love.
What the fuck does a lill 18 year old have to offer you, that I don't? You really think she wants a house,and a family and all that you wish for? You think she can love you as highly as I do? And make you feel as I did?
I think you're lying to yourself, I think you're too afraid to love me. Afraid of what others will think of you if you gave me a chance.
I've been on my knees for you, for so long. I've promised you the world, And i'd sacrefice everything, Just for you.
But that's not enough for you.
You'd rather take your chance on someone that has not much to offer but maybe a crush for you.
I could take care of you, love you,cherish you. Give you the life that you wanted.
But you don't want it, no matter how you feel in your heart.
You could come, and let us talk,and end this, once and for all.
A messed up Queer lil girl, lost in her confussed little world where its not easy to know what is up and what is down.
The insight into her mind, where madness and insanity roam
I share my life, I share my thought,my feeling my passion,my hate and my rage. All aspects of the life with revolves around me, The good,the bad, The pain which rests inside me.
Jeg har ei lita jente, Som jeg er veldig glad i <3
