What Used To Be My Home

It's kinda offical now, my apartment is so to say no longer mine.
I just have a few more things to do before I'm completly moved out.
Just have to wash the walls,cupboards and the ceiling, not in the line ofcourse.

I donno if I'm moving in with my bro or not now, my mom and stepdad found me an apartment not far from here.
I donno I'm gonna look at it this following week I hope, and we'll see.

So until then, I'm staying with my mom, Which I hate mind you.
Suddenly I don't have the freedom I'm used to have.
Suddenly allot of people to relate to.
I havent had people so close since Sepphire lived with me.

And yet again, ya know she's there to stir things up in my head.

The room in which I'm staying, brings back allot.
We spent our first night's there together as a couple.
Even if the room didn't have a door,
It didn't really matter.
Too Deep in love for anything else to matter.

In this house, was the place I first propose to her, to be my wife.
I remember that night, Even if we had a few that night,
The words were still true.
I did think she'd be my wife one day.

Then I got the apartment...
Sepphire came to visit that day that I was moving in.
She stayed behind,helping my mom hang up the curtains, put clothing into the shelves, etc.
She was so proud of herself, wanting to show me what she had done.
I couldn't help myself but smile, such small things we take for granted,
Was such a big deal to her.
We were finally alone that evening, for a first time since my birthday in February.
That apartment holds allot of memories of the life we shared together. the joy and the laughter.

She also propose to me in that apartment, for my birthday the year after.
I remember crying, i was so happy.
All my dreams seemed to come true.

I remember so many times, waiting for her to come, cooking in the kitchen, waiting for her car to pull into the drive way with metal blasting out of the speakers, unlocking the door into the apartment, and embracing me ever so tightly.

I will remember that place, with lots of fond good memories.
That perfect love will live forever in my mind and heart.

Restless

Ive fucked up my sleeping pattern again,
wtf is keeping me awake?

It's my head,
I know it.
The thoughts won't go away,
Rushing through my head like demons
Hunting me in the night.

I miss being able to have someone to sleep next to,
A warm soft body against me,
Feeling their warm breath heaving softly at me.

Fingers twirling my hair between their fingers,
As soft lips touch my cheek.
While sweet words of love is whispered in my ear.

I remember smelling her perfume as I drifted off to sleep,
her arms clinging tightly on to me as if never wanting to let go.

 

Her lips,
Kissing me in her sleep,
And murmurs escaping her lips,
Saying "I love you"
Somewhere in the dark.

Her hair brushing against my face,
tickeling my nose.

I really hate sleeping alone,
guess that's why I hate  sleeping.
 

Oh well, time to rest

Live Your Life Without Any Regreets

I discovered a few days ago,
My epic box of fail.

Yes, my Box of fail,
Where I store my engagment rings,
Patetic I know.
I kinda do keep them as a remind
Of how things went wrong at some point.

3 Rings...
3 Long serious relationships.
makes me think,
Can I ever do it right?

I actually talked with my first girlfriend,
bout it a bit recently.
She told me the reasons why things had gone so
And so.
And I do agree with her.

I'm quite the different person now than
I were then.
I've grown from the unsecure girl I once were.
I'm strong now cos of things I've experience in my life.
And  the people thats been in it.
They shaped me into who I am this day,
In the good ways and in the bad ways.
And I think I have the same thing with them.

Some learned to stand strong and be proud of who you are,
Not to let oneself be knocked down by anyone.
No matter who they are.

To love,
Isn't to be weak,
Yet if we can all feel weak at the point of love.

One just need to open up ones eyes and
Take a look at the world around,
and see what is important.

Some people lock away love,
Too afraid of opening up their hearts.
Afraid of being hurt.
To live, is to being hurt.
If one never can open up ones heart,
Life sure will be lonly.

As someone who meant allot to me once said,

"No one was meant to go through life alone"

Love is what makes this world go around.
Those words stick deep to my heart.

I have my regreets
When It comes to love.
Certain Periods I know I will look back on and think,
"what If?"

Who really wants to look back and think,
"what if" To any event in their lives?

I'm posting a song on the end here,
Which struck a cord in me concerning resent events.

Faith and Arms yea yea another Aion input

Steel Rake I really like that place

Going off to war

Not always easy being the tank

Prettiest little Tank
Wow....My legion hah!

HEY THERE!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'm flying!!!!!

When I get rich...

I got a wicked taste for stuff,
I'm waiting on money so I can order myself some stuff online.
Some of the stuff I want:

Manic Panic Hair Dye,
Since I will need to maintain my hair color.
I love Manic Panic,
Such a great hair product.
(image from manic panics homepage)

Dreadlocks,
My bestfriend agreed to style up my hair,
That sweetheart.
so i might get some of these in red and black to mix into my hair.
(Image from naughtyshadows.no)

Omg Don't get me started on this hat,
I've been drooling over it FOREVER now.
it just looks so bloody awsome

.This top is so cute,
I seriously want it.
Though its a risk ordering stuff online,
Atleast clothing.
Well I really want both of em.
I'll see how much they are when i get my cash.
(Images of hat and shirt from www.x-tra-x.de)

Last but not least,
I want snakebites.
God how long ive wanted some.
I'd want a tattoo too but,
we'll see how much cash I got when the time comes.


  ~LV~

Seriously? You got a Death Wish?

Today started with a Bang....litterally.
I woke up to the knocking on the inner door in my apartment.
I Was shocked,
The fucked up landlord had locked himself into my apartment.
After a while i got up,
Pulled up the door to the hall,
And looked at the bastard standing in my entrance door.
I glared at him and was really ticked off.

I started yelling at him,
Cos he was complaining bout the hall looking bad,
For fuck's sake,
I'm moving out!
I flipped off,
Been a while since I've been so angry.

I seriously SNAPPED!
he's not allowed to do that.

I seriously could have slapped him,
Standing there, that bald old pig.

MEH!

Anyhow...

Got an Email from Sepphire earlier today,

She wrote she might have time to pick up her belongings at the beginning of
July.
Bout Freaking time if you ask me.
She better not send someone,
Cos last time she didn't let me know and i freaked out.

Well, I freaked out cos I Didn't know who it was.

Anyhow,
Gonna be good to get rid of it.

Though it strikes me that it will be weird to see her since I haven't spoken With/Seen
Her since march.

Hah that dreeded week in Stavanger.
Gonna be good to get rid of it atleast.

I Seriously saw how much clothing she had left behind.
No wonder, she practically lived here.
 

Today, I don't really have any plans.
Gonna relax and just enjoy my day I think.
The weather ain't too nice, and I'm broke at the moment so that doesn't help much.

I've had a long talk with my friend though,
Bout our situation in life.

No wonder one gets bitter.
Seeing how everyone actually have a life,
Family,a house, kids, etc.
And what do I have?
No job, No partner,No house,
No nothing really.
You really do end up a bit bitter.
Being Gay doesn't really help the situation.
The worst part is,
I could have been married by now.
If things hadn't gotten messed up with Sepphire,
I could have been married last fall.

I mean, I'm not actually getting any younger,
Closing in on 30.
I want my life to go somewhere,
I want a person to share my life with.
Who will love me for who I am and not who
They want me to be.

I am me, Take me for who I am,
I won't change for anyone,
Love me as I am or Forget bout it.
If I change, I stop being me.

I guess I do miss the realtionship I used to have sometimes,
Though I don't mind being alone.
Just missing someone I can show my affection to,
Someone I can call in the middle of the night,
That's just happy to hear my voice.
Someone I can shower with my love.

I don't know if anyone can love me like that again.
I tried to love, and look how that went.

But everyone keeps telling me,
That it was good that I opened my eyes to the situation
Before it got too serious.
Yea and their right.
It would have been worse to actually get into it too deep,
And then realising that,
This ain't the girl I'm supposed to be with.
Better to be alone than to feel unloved and unwanted.

Well im restless, time to do something.

~LV~

Baby When You're gone

Been another long and hectic day,
I haven't slept but thats ok.

Rather get things here done.

All my pretty females are now off the wall,
it looks so empty and cold.
Really looking forwards to moving now.

 Gonna be nice living with someone again.

My mom and my brother's girlfriend came to help out with the
Packing and washing, etc.
Gotten allot of stuff done really,
I Miss the sexy bodies on my wall.
I'll see them again soon I hope.

Saw my older brother today,
ofcourse the current status as singel were brough up.

Told him as it was,
that I wasn't gonna put up with shit again.
But he comforted me with the
Fact of, Beer, summer and girls.

Though the same subject were brought up later
today, by my mom.

She asked me bout what the girl I had dated,
had said when I broke up.
Told her it wasn't really much to tell on the subject.

My mom continued,
With that, Sepphire's footsteps would be hard to follow for anyone.
And Kate Agreed from the back seat,
and how sad it was that things had turned the way it did.

I don't know why recently,
Things concerning her has been appearing around me.
People suddenly bringing her up, etc.

I half heartedly answered them that,
I didn't think I'd fall so head over heels for anyone.
I Donno, there was something completly special,
in the way she made me feel.

Missunderstand me right,
I Did fall in love with the girl I dated,

Won't write her name here out of respect for her.
But, I couldn't fall as head over heels as I would like to.
Plus all the problems from day one.
Not a good way to start off a relationship.

I'm not blaming anyone.

Guess we were just on different paths of life,
That didn't really match up.

So much for my life starting then.

No there were just to many complications.

Atleast she got something out of it....

.....A Free Tablet....


Oh well...

~LV~